First off...this is the Deputy (Dawg...bird dog by day, home defense system by night)...he's apprehended a suspect here...a known felon...a repeat offender...known to bite toes through socks on several occasions.



The suspect, just before her interrogation begin...don't let that cute little face fool ya...she's the devil.



Me and the Deputy would like to see her gone to the big house for life, with no chance of parole...but my wife gave her a light sentence...two hours on the couch being petted. Women, they just can't tell a harden criminal when they see one...lol.

Brian (mechanic by trade).

 

Brian, You might want to WARN THE NEIGHBORS!!!

 

Define hardened. Are we talking ‘armed and dangerous’ or petty theft? I may have to grab that dictionary that I didn’t have handy when I spelled ‘wood’. I used to be a google queen but realized that I was looking up every other word and that got me back-pedaling fast. Back into the rabbit hole I'd go.

And yes Brian, I agree. Many women don’t recognize a hardened criminal when they see one, but then again, neither do some men.

Don’t worry, I’m not a hardened criminal but I like to play one on tv. Ms. Slightly Crazy didn’t shoot the sheriff last night and she’s not about to shoot the deputy either.

Oh look.. there’s the word ‘subtle’..(overrover?) but again I digress… and I’m back to rambling. Ho hum.

Your little kitten is so cute! What is his/her name? I nicknamed my cat ‘Cujo’ when I was a youngster and you think I’m kidding!

So… back to the sheriff stopping over last night. Apparently the neighbors complained that I was being too loud so he stopped in to ask me to tone it down. I promise(d) to be on my best behavior. I can play by the rules...so what if I have plans to work on my Rover every Saturday, with the garage door open, and my speakers cranked up full blast?

Until the next time.. I’ll leave you with the second song on my ‘sweatin’ to the oldies’ playlist:


I’m flat broke but I don’t care… everyone now..

five, six, turn it around… (god I love Richard Simmons, so graceful and clever (kind of like a mechanic/surgeon, he inspires me so)).

OH! And if anyone made a New Year’s resolution to start a Rover fund I thought this was a cool idea.... it’s called the fifty-two week challenge…. Just make sure your neighbors (or wife) don’t know where you stash your cash



And let's recap boys and girls.. any trespassers found rummaging in my drawers, looking for something I may or may not have hidden, will be prostituted, fo sho

Sorry if I’m a little all over the place today.. I took an upper this morning (...people please(r)…..it was coffee....) and I’m still riding high.

 

Found a new screen saver - I'm digging it:

 

I think I've been replaced.. hence why I removed my last post. On my way to the gym where I do my thang, I travel through one intersection, and on the corner, to my right, sits a BP gas station. A double sided marquee/billboard was perched outside by the curb today and the lettering read ‘this sign has been censored by the Prude Company.’ Huh.. ‘wasn’t me’… I thought –‘ there must be a new sheriff in town’. At least it lifted my spirits and I had a good laugh. I needed it after today. I'll try and get a photo of it on Wednesday when I go to workout again.

All in all, I was feeling pretty good about myself today when I headed out of the house. Well I bitched a little to myself as I’m not a morning person, and I hate winter, but I had put chicken in the oven to bake for dinner (with rosemary and lemon), and put some froo-froo clothes on that Richard Simmons would approve of. I wore a pretty purple velvet jacket; with a long, light blue cashmere scarf, looped around my neck; matching Swarovski tear drop earrings and a pair of jeans with leather boots. I am trying… it’s so much easier to throw on a pair of muck-lucks, warm, nubby wool sweater and a pair of jeans and head out the door in sub-zero temps.

So I get to work.. feeling good about the day, and, as usual, make my way to the kitchen to fill up my carafe with ice water. In walks a colleague, who I haven’t seen since before Christmas. He typically works at our headquarters (down the road) and I don’t see much of him.

‘Oh hey stranger, how’s it going?….. it has been eons since I’ve seen you!’ I say, and notice that he’s holding a large box. ‘I have something for you’ he replied. Hmm.. that piqued my interest but I proceeded with caution. He started to ramble on (now I know how others feel when I get on a roll) -about how he was talking to his long lost cousin’s father-in-law who was twice removed and the former postman of Willie Wonka and the Oompa Loompa Clan and how they went out to lunch and so-and-so was back from out west where he got into a bar fight and lost his teeth, yada, yada, yada. My mind started to wander and that’s when he started to load me down with items from the box.

‘Oh stop.. stop.. please don’t shower me with gifts’ I said, feeling VERY uncomfortable all the while thinking ‘what in the hell am I going to do with this?!?’

….then a light bulb came on…

Would you like to know what it was? Well I will tell you… It was a fuzzy, BEIGE (no color a fashion conscience Richard Simmons would ever wear), fleece (no pill), zip up vest with an embroidered logo, of a toothless man on the front, that states ‘Jack Pine Savage’. I kid you not. I can not make this stuff up.

Um…………… what are you trying to tell me here?... You think I’m primitive and uncivilized?!?! (I looked up the definition and that is what it means.) NO Way Javascript Object Signing and Encryption .... no one needs to know my dirty little secrets - I'm not about to wear them on my sleeve around town! But then he told me it was for a good cause (fund raiser /awareness for a ‘go fund me’ account to raise money for a little boy suffering from a life debilitating disease) so I said ‘oh, ok.. OF COURSE I’ll do it and I hope he gets better soon’. Quick, I need more coffee…asap, people please
®.

He went on with the story to tell me that he researched the term ‘Jack Pine Savage’ and that to be referred to as one, in today’s society, is actually quite the compliment. Long gone are the stereotypes of rednecks and unshaven, hygiene challenged lumberjacks. Today to be called a Jack Pine Savage symbolizes someone who is tough, both physically and mentally; resilient - can bounce back and make a speedy recovery after an impactful event; resourceful/can make the most out of any situation (cook and get creative with basic ingredients); and manly (woodchoppin’ extraordinaire).

The size 4X part of the story was a little hard to swallow. Oh, I didn’t divulge that part? Yeah.. well when he walked in the door he started telling me that he has a friend who is a size 4X and that he gauged his size correctly so, as he was looking me up and down, said ‘I figured your size would be ‘___’, let’s try that first and if that doesn’t work, let’s go with ___’. Nope.. not going to tell you my size but based on his estimations it is BIG. Not 4X big, not 3X big, but let’s just say.. not a digit that any ‘lady’ would like to hear associated with her name.

Sigh….

I dunno why, but his assessment kinda knocked the wind out of my sails. Being sized up by a male colleague, who was merely trying to do a good deed and have me participate in a fund raiser, put my mind into a funk. All I could think about, after graciously accepting his offer, was ‘great, I get to be a human billboard now and, apparently, he thinks I’m about as wiiiiiide as one too’. Gotta love Mondays…

 

Now… typically on a day like yesterday I’d resort to a little ‘self-preservation’ and mindlessly stuff my gob with something that wasn’t too good for me. You know.. too much of a good thing – too many carbs for the day, too much fat, maybe a helping of rainbow sherbet. Or two… hmm.. starting to see a trend here. No, I didn’t say 2X so don’t even go thinking that.

Anyway.. I am proud to say that I stuck to my plan, and went straight to Bedfordshire, rather than stick my nose in the refrigerator – which, obviously, is a place where it doesn’t belong. And seeing as I went to bed earlier than typical, that light bulb (mentioned yesterday) decided to turn on, in my brain, at oh-dark-fifty-four. Plenty of time to lay there in ‘twilight’ and think.

During this dark hour, it occurred to me that if I aspire to join the big leagues and be part of a nationally syndicated show (in my mind) that I’d best learn the humor that is so coveted in today’s society.

Toilet humor anyone? Here goes.. the good ol’ college try:



It’s below me, isn’t it…



Russian anyone?



I don’t understand - it appears to be a wee bit over my head?



Please don’t interrupt this girl.. she’s not finished yet:




No, no.. please no… No standing ovations for little ol’ me.. it’s time for me to recline in my chair…with the therapist.…off like a turd of hurdles I go.

Some of you may remember that, back before Christmas, I posted a comic of a group therapy session featuring Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer. If you didn’t catch it, I’m happy to supply it again:



I took issue with my therapist because he keeps trying to pigeon hole me into a societal stereotype. If anyone seems unusual and seeking therapy for, shall we say,..… wild sexual inhibitions (no.. that is not my problem), or perhaps being guilty of eating one too (three, four, five) many snackaroonies while watching indulgent television, he immediately states that they have a disease.

So I marched over to his office, with my chapped buttocks ablazin from my brutal work-out yesterday, and said ‘we need to discuss the meaning behind this comic. Are you really going to put this comedian in charge of my recovery? We have discussed this before…. I am none of the above and had plenty of time to think about that analysis over Christmas break while stuffing my gob full of ham & cheese dip with a side of crackers and wine. Over and over and over again.’

He sat in his chair, while I reclined in mine, and watched me pensively.

‘What do you think your problem is? he asked.

Hmm.. does he really think I’m going to pay him to sit here and tell him what my problem is? I had already gone thru fits of ‘self-preservation’ and now, apparently, I have to ‘self-diagnosis’ too.

Un-freaky-believable.

‘I’m an INFJ, what’s your excuse?...’

My tone was fairly tame and didn’t reflect how I wanted to loudly say, ‘are you able to keep up? turn up your B batteries and get your psychology book out again.’ I decided to refrain from making a further *** of myself. This has been quite the road of ‘self-discovery’.

He just kept watching me…tick tick tick tick.. the acoustics of the clock resonating throughout the room, bringing to mind ‘The Bells’ by Edgar Allen Poe. My boss does this same thing to me once in a while. He stares me down when he doesn’t know what to say. I call it the pregnant pause (like my belly, of course, which matches my billboard sized ***) and, I, proceed to stare, blankly, back at him. It’s so tempting to look down but I never do and maybe that’s my problem.

I glance sideways over at the clock.

He finally spoke.

‘I think our session is over, for today’.

 

 

But, in life...what happens if the mirror is like the distorted ones found inside "the house of mirrors" at the carnival, do not these mirrors yet tell lies...and where is that shadow of mine on the cloudy, overcast days, when I need it the most?

Just thinking out loud here...not something I'm particularly good at ya know...lol.

Brian.

 

'Try harder' he said.

Or was it she that said that? I don't remember....

Well Deputy (said the Dawg), the purpose of yesterday's reflection was exactly that. Trying to figure it all out..the meaning of life. Don't worry.. I don't have a bottle of jack and a straight razor at the ready. Just pondering life's trials and tribulations.

I suppose overcast days already have their shadow and we see it in different ways. The 'sky will glower, the clouds will hide the sun, and the rain will begin to fall. And I will remember....'

Hope you're having a good day with your distorted mirror. Don't think too much

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Dg-g7t2l4

 

Life. Boy, you picked a tough one...for sure.

Me, I'm going to stick with the really important issues at hand...water heater isn't doing what its namesake implies. Granted, I may move on to more preplexing issues in the future...but no guarantees. It's been awhile since I've given much thought to figuring out the "meaning" of life. Granted, you just give-in after awhile and become disentralled with the whole notion of ever knowing...especially since greater minds than my own have attempted to answer this paramount question to no avail.

But, I guess, someone eventually has to figure it out...good luck in your endeavor...and be sure to pass along whatever it is you come up with.

I believe Harry Chapin summed it up best...in his song "Circle"...because life certainly feels that way, sometimes.

All the best and be patient with your journey...because life is a long one...and it can definitely surprise you. It can be good, trust me.

Brian.