I received this early this morning from my friend Doug, many thanks.


Staff party


FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November
RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will
take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the private function
room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of
drinks!

We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please
feel free to sing along.
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time;
however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts
easy for everyone's pockets.

This gathering is only for employees! The Managing Director
will make a special announcement at the Party.

Merry Christmas to you and your Family.

Pauline


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November
RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish
employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday, which
often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on we're calling it our 'Holiday Party'. The same
policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians. There
will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will have other
types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you and your family,

Pauline.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
FROM; Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November
RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics
Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table... you didn't sign your
name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a
table that reads, 'AA Only', you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!! How
am I supposed to handle this? Anyone? Forget about the gift
exchange. No gift exchange allowed now since the Union officials feel
that $10.00 is too much money and Management believe $10.00 is a
little cheap.

NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE Allowed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November
RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th
begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and
drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we
can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not
accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can
hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else
package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag.
Will that work?

Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet; pregnant women will get the table
closest to the toilets; Gays are allowed to sit with each other;
Lesbians do not have to sit with gay men; each will have their own
table. Yes, there will be flower arrangements for the gay men's table,
too. To the person asking permission to cross dress - no cross
dressing allowed.

We will have booster seats for short people. Low fat food will
be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in
the food. We suggest those people with high blood pressure taste the
food first.

There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics; the
restaurant cannot supply 'No Sugar' desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!

Pauline.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November
RE: The ******** Holiday Party.

Vegetarian ******! I've had it with you people!!! We're going
to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so
you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the 'grill of death',
as you so quaintly put it. You'll get your f****** salad bar,
including organic tomatoes, but you know tomatoes have feeling, too.
They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them
scream right NOW!! Hope you all have a rotten holiday !

The Bitch from HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources Director
DATE: 9th November
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a
speedy recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her.

In the meantime, Management has decided to cancel our Holiday
Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December
off with full pay.

 

Mike, not sure where you got this or if it is original, but it is awesome! Thanks for sharing it with us.

 

I have been without power for a week, and my cable/phone/internet will be out until the 30th. That just made it a little better. I copied it and sent it to my wife. She died laughing. Thanks for sharing...