I’m afraid that when it comes to food I have a one track mind. The words ‘prepared for over-indulgence’ were signaling to me like a beacon that any words in the way were quickly shoved aside Non, in all seriousness, you’re absolutely correct, it was a deliberate misread of your prose. I think I told you previously that I like to have fun

Ok, so now you’ve definitely piqued my curiosity. What did you write on the forum that would justify the ‘powers that be’ to terminate your account? You can always PM it to me. And charting?!? That sounds dangerous – as if it would go against all that our thread stands for Mr. Montero. I may be a little hypocritical if I was to follow the mindset that ‘the scientific age demands that we provide definitions, measurements, and statistics in order to be taken seriously…’

Hey..I thought about you on my afternoon walk today. I saw my two deer friends again, they were standing by the side of the road (with shoulders touching one another) getting ready to cross in front of me when a fast two-seated roadster came flying out of nowhere with a horrible muffler issue. The deer were obviously startled and jumped back into the swamp as it raced by. Slightly annoyed by the distraction (but not alarmed) I continued to perambulate down the road when a white Landy passed me in the same direction. I kid you not – serious as a heart attack. Deer, a two-seater with a muffler issue and a Landy-Rover. Of course all three made me think of yesterday’s conversation as well as your good self.

Oh to sssssssss..stop at three..ssssss..such temptation…

 

Pretty Good verbage your throwin around there Landlover!! Pretty good verbage .. I do appreciate your use of the "english." Personally I speak hillbilly most of the time living in the south U.S. but my egregious perspicacity for travel has helped to knock some of the rough edges off my dialect. At least I hope it helps.
We plan on being in Europe for a few months this summer. Hope to increase many things while there other than language. Maybe I'll run into some Rover enthusiasts in GB Or maybe our friend OffroadFrance, Never know what will come of it.
Hoping to sup the finest wine and food that is appropriate to our meager budget. Staying 4 months is challenging especially moving from place to place every couple of weeks.
We will be checking in on this forum from time to time to see what I'm missing in the U.S. sigh So Little time.
Cheers

 

Good of you to join us Mr. Rat and thank you for your kind words. May I offer you a mug of hot Irish coffee and a ‘slab’ of chocolate cake? I couldn’t resissssst. I do have to tell you, however, that the D1 clan was having a tantalizing conversation today regarding your cousin Pack, over on the ‘There is no Spider on NAS D1s. Period, end of story ‘ thread. Have you been in contact with him recently? If so, maybe you could tell us why he’s only hidden one LARGE walnut in Mr. Montero’s lovely Landy? Only one? I also feel that I must relay to you that I noticed your location of ‘Kaintuck ee’ some time ago on a different thread along with your signature line ‘the lovely Mrs. Slabrat’s ride’ and I thought it quite clever! And you say that you’re a ‘hillbilly'. Pshaw…

sssssssssssssSO (still practicing my s’s and I think I I can say Andries name now) where will you and the lovely Mrs. Slabrat be touring while on your travels in Europe? I take it that you’re aware of the pickpockets there as well? There are a few trade secrets that are being practiced this very minute to numerous unsuspecting individuals and if you aren’t aware of the tactics it could be easy to become prey. The first is the survey. Survey you say? Yes, sssss..survey. (Please excuse me as I delicately dab a bit of chocolate icing off of my lip. More coffee Mr. Slabrat? How about you Mr. Montero?) Yes, right. As I was saying.. the survey. It’s a group effort. One individual acts as if they are conducting a survey (much like you may see here in America) and they distract you by asking if you’d like to sign their form. You do or you do not, but for the sake of this story, let’s say that you do. Another person comes up from behind as you’re signing their form and picks your pocket. It’s all very slick and fast… The next tactic is the ring drop. A group effort as well, it’s all about distraction, someone drops their ring or pen or whatever it may be in front of you, you go to bend over and help them out and then they pick your pocket. Many times a child will be involved and you are unsuspecting because it’s a cute little child, right? So beware of anyone tapping you on the shoulder, asking you to bend over, erm, I mean sign a survey or dropping something in your presence. Also be aware of those unscrupulous individuals that board the subway car in groups. I’d suggest carrying a lovely ‘man purse’ under your unmentionables or perhaps sticking your cash in your sock or better yet, wearing a sign around your neck that states ‘I am not an easy target’

As far as ‘hoping to sup the finest wine and food that is appropriate to our meager budget’ may I suggest the store ASDA? Believe it or not there is a lovely wine selection, and the cheeses.. OH, the cheeses.. a 'slab' of cheese (there I go again), some Tiger Bread (seek this out – it’s so good), and a tall glass of wine outside, enjoying a gorgeous view, is the best lunch one can have when traveling. Or stop at the little bakeries/patisseries for lunch that dot the town centres along the way. You can pick up wonderful morsels that melt in your mouth and satisfy as you sit on a park bench and listen to a street musician play violin or guitar in the square. You’re going to have fun and the only thing that you’re going to be ‘missing’ is summertime in the good ol US of A.. and perhaps a good piece of chocolate cake…

 

True to the English -and the interminable inconcistencies of their language (but more of that later), the moment you sink some money (I thought it better to not use the term invest) in a Landrover you have wandered into a field of thorns.

When my missive on the issue of the Landy's designed inability to be able to withstand the repeated spontaneous self-destruction of components and systems was muffled by the forum power that is, I was more than baffled. In fact I was miffed. It seems that someone did not like my inference that the designers way back since after the last Series III had ground its last sideshaft into so many little pieces of torsional overstressed fractured debris have been sitting on their hands and calling out the design parameters to eager immigrant workers - some of who truly had understandably a poor grasp of the Queens English as it was, and what with the Manchester dialect added to it maybe no grasp at all. So evolved the new idea of a conglomerate of individually designed and built British systems around that most excellent German-designed drive train replete with permanent four wheel drive and lockable central differential.

Some tolerance figures were certainly wrapped up or deliberately hidden (muffed) to ensure a captured market for aftermarket replacement parts.

By the way, as we speak I suddenly realise why the delicacy we enjoy with tea and which we call "cup cakes" are referred to as "muffins" by the English - makes sense now that I remember the definitions quoted above. However, why Englismen call their young daughters "muffin" is still beyond my faculty.

There is a saying back in my home country that should you really need to arrive at your destination in style you should take a Range Rover. Should you really need to arrive at your destination you'd better take a "Toyoda" Landcruiser or a Mitsubishi Pajero. (Maybe this miffed the moderator who thought it was a moot point and, gathering his mantle of authority around him he decided to mute my missive).

The new faintly deeper exhaust note at the rear seems to cause a slight resonant harmonic at 2,000 rpm about where the two exhauxt outlets form their junction. I plan to fashion an extra support strap on each of the two pipes upstream of the Y. Why? That will change the resonance frequency and take away the slight humming.

That's MY prerogative when my mind is churning with the intricacies - if not
inconsistencies - of the English language. If the plural of a deer mouse is deer mice, why on earth is the plural of one's dear old house the horrible sounding word houses?

My elder son went hunting oryx and springbok in the kalahari region of Namibia a year ago. That is hard, desert country with towns very far apart - and the vehicle of choice is the Toyoda Landcruiser. His colleague (also an astronomer / mechanical engineer in the same design office) has a brother who owns the huge family sheep ranch. As they arrived at the farmhouse late afternoon they were met by the unusual sight of a Landrover Defender in the driveway.

Later that evening with one inch thick eland sirloin steaks on the red-hot embers of the very hard Camel-thorn wood my sons's friend could not suppress his amazement any longer. "What's with the Landrover?" he asked politely.

The brother sighed: "The Toyota dealer in Keetmanshoop had it standing on the floor for a year. Some guy from Johannesburg, South Africa came there and traded it in on a new Cruiser. I got myself sweet-talked into it".

"And?" was Ockert's only response.

His brother looked him in the eye. "I do not sleep at night since I've driven it the 500 kilometers from Keetmanshoop. At night I wake up and I can hear it breaking things inside, right there where it is standing in the garage in its puddles of oil".

An hour before they left the ranch four days later, with their game processed and packed on ice onto my son's Mitsibishi Colt truck, Ockert made his brother a rather jokingly, insulting offer on the Defender - which to his utter amazement was immediately accepted.

Every five months the dealer in Cape Town now has to - under warranty - install a full set of synchro rings in the gearbox and replace the leaking power steering box with a new one. None of these items outlast their warranties, and neither does the A-Frame ball joint. Ockert just smiles - he got it for a song and enjoys the dealer principal's embarrasment when he and Louwrens (my son) arrive at the facility with two vehicles..

 

Oh dear.. it appears Mr. Slab Rat has fallen asleep and has frosting on his nose. Wake up, Mr. Rat, wake up!.... I wonder if I made his hot toddy a little too strong We’ll just let him doze, he must have had a hard day planning his vacation. Either that or I have bored him to sleep or he has fainted from all of this talk of pick pockets. I’m sure I didn’t burst his bubble over traveling. One just has to be careful out there but seeing that he has an ‘egregious perspicacity’ for travel (?) I’m sure that he will be just fine.

So Mr. Montero…..as you were saying - you drove into a bramble patch? Landy’s aren’t that hard to figure out and the GPS system isn’t either. How on earth did you veer off course? Were you off-roading again and looking for dilapidated barns with friendly deer mice?

Regarding your missive, did the powers that be really disregard your inference that the designers have been sitting on their hands? Seeing as they retracted the cancellation of your account perhaps they had a change of heart and realized that there was some truth to your statements. It certainly seems so. And I am sure that the eager (really?) immigrant workers can grasp enough of the Queen's English to make sense of the general blue print. Besides, we mustn’t be so hard on the designers after the Series III – they must have done something right seeing that I have received numerous random compliments on my lovely Landy just this week. ' She’s so purddy…'

As far as the ‘torsional, overstressed fractured debris’ however, that is an ongoing process as we are all aware and can be disheartening but it is what it is. Maybe that is why there are forums such as this one. So that we can challenge each other to fix these pesky problems and have the distinct pleasure of test driving a Mitsubishi Pajero or a Landcruiser from time to time for an unbiased ‘comparison’? The saying from your home country piqued my interest again….and again. I’ve noticed that is the second time you’ve stated it. So tell me Andries, if you too believe in this saying, what brought you to ‘invest’ in your lovely Landy? Why not a Pajero?

As you know I’m a little behind on my reading lately and that includes my magazines, especially my favorite, Rovers Magazine. Do you subscribe? Well it so happens that I picked it up just this morning and read an interesting article by Bill Burke titled ‘Strapping Good’. It made me think of YOUR prerogative. Were you able to take care of that humming issue this weekend or will that be a project for the future? The author, Mr. Burke, sounds quite technical and he just so happens to live in Grand Junction, Colorado. Imagine that!! He apparently is one of the foremost off-road instructors in North America and offered up some smart advice on selecting recovery straps before you go off-roading. Like I said, it all sounds quite technical but necessary I’m sure. I must say that it is a fascinating article – I never knew that there were so many straps. Tree Straps, Yank Straps, ****** Straps but strictly speaking, ‘they’re all actually ‘synthetic web slings, configured in four styles – Endless, Eye and Eye, Twisted Eye and Folded Eye.’ He goes on further to discuss the regulations and standards for quality and minimum breaking strength by the American Association of Mechanical Engineers (something I bet you and your son could comprehend and understand/explain completely). He continues to write that ‘Some eyes are protected with Cordura or a resilient shroud so they are less prone to bunching. When we lay two eyes into the shackles commonly found in the recovery kit, we can rig one eye on top of the other (oh dear.. there is that badddddery coil phrase again..) to prevent bunching; because we’re pulling on a horizontal we don’t necessarily need large diameter shackles to keep the web sing eyes from crowding. The common shackle we use will be 2” or 3” in width because the WLL of those shackles will be within specification for the GVW of our Land Rover’.

I think this is the VERY reason I don’t go off-roading, Mr. Montero. What if I was to get stuck? How would I know which shackle, strap or eye to use??? I would have to do my homework and study this article over and over and over again before I knew what I was doing. Either that or it would take a very good teacher to 'drill it in' (for lack of better term). Men have the innate ability for these types of things…I would definitely have to consult my magic 8-ball as I don’t think my first edition set of Funk & Wagnall’s Encyclopedia would cover such topics.

So I wouldn’t be so miffed, Mr. Montero as you are indeed the man of alliteration. You have a better grasp on 'English' than you already know. I was particularly pleased with the paragraph ‘Maybe this miffed the moderator who thought it was a moot point and, gathering his mantle of authority around him he decided to mute my missive.’ Although the part about the principal dealer’s proactive power steering replacement wasn’t too passive either and had the propensity to pique my interest…

 

Why I bought the Landy?


I like fixing WHATEVER it is that someone before me had neglected, particularly when I see certain features as well as a strength of character. In her case an impeccable front end showed under close examination.


Apart from the slipping synchro-meshing on second gear, the whole drive train is faultless. The oil leaking from the sump gasket is a minor issue as is the rather massive leak from the steering box. Most of the engine oil puddles came from a too weighty filter canister that had been screwed on way too tightly.


I like to apply my mind and my heart and my hands - and what is left of the old faculty - to worthy, neglected, even abused Landies. Once that which was broken is fixed (hopefully in a more original if not more clever way) I like to keep it perfect with knowledge and empathy and attentive listening and responding.


Yes - the Mitsubishi Pajero (Montero) no doubt is a better vehicle. Boringly so. Because of their longevity, no electronic issues, impressive gauge metal all over, no leaks, ease of access to engine mounted systems, very heavy duty gear boxes, and totally rattleless, they are keepers and very hard to find.


I am very happy with my Landy I bought for a beautiful song. In a month's time she'll be a dependable, un-leaking, and hopefully trustworthy sharer of Colorado's lonelier places, and after that Nevada.


Off-road? Gee all the places I want to go to are off road - if not off limits. That is why I do not play off road at playgrounds. I am not good at doing what other men have done.


:-)


Did I mention I was a better listener than talker?


She was a challenge, and forever I shall find that disposition somewhat compulsive. By now, after one month I know exactly what was and still is wrong with her and have in my mind the road map of what shall be done when and how.

 

Well you certainly sound like a MonteroMan on a mission, Andries..ssss.. And it's ok if you're a better listener than talker as I'm a regular ol' chatterbox. I have no problem, hesitation or qualms talking for two and if you should find that I'm rambling on a bit, please don't have any problem, hesitation or qualms about telling me to 'button my lip'. I won't be offended

As always I look forward to hearing all about your travels and it sounds as if you have quite a bit of terrain that you'd like to explore. May I be so bold as to recommend that you entertain the idea of investing in an Atlas rather than a road map as you may just need it...

 

You know, often when I re-read some seriously said sentences I'll remember to try and rearrange the words without willingly waver the original intent, but it is not an easy thing to do and still convey the required content. Let us blame it on the formal lingua franca of forums may be the English language does that to me.

With great respect to the strapping Mr. Offroader: Those kinetic contraptions found their way out of the military many years ago and like good financial principles demand, the gullible nature of the city-living probable user in the 4x4 accessories market had to be capitalised on. Do not bother with any of those.

You are not going to muddy your nice boots by offering to haul a stuck Cherokee out of the goo, are you? Neither are YOU going to get stuck, are you now? And IF you do - some farmer in his old F-250 will come trundling by and slide a hooked chain around the III's suspension blades and with no further ado just carefully pull you onto terra firma and be on his way.

Me? As mentioned before - I don't play with the vehicle that has to take me to lonely places I want to go to the moment I feel I need to. And bring me back. In all my travels over many years into real wilderness areas with no support systems for 1,000 miles around I have never once experienced the need for a winch - to mention but one very heavy accessory. My extra weight allowance is taken up by drinking water and fuel. A high-lift jack (with properly designed attachment points!), a shovel, a hand pump for tire re-inflation and of course a set of tools in a canvas roll-up bag in any case need to be there.

Oh, the resonant audio? I decided to hum in tune, as it is not too bad really - not unlike the free flow system on a petrol fired Ford F-250 straight six.

Decided the sagged front passenger seat is my next priority - I do not sit on it but just say somebody would like to... I'll be embarrassed.

Black with three sugar, please.

 

... and then forever I forget the meaning of the term brevity when I do post something!


The invitation implicit in that sentence was that I enjoy listening (reading) the posts and would appreciate a little more about your Series III. Have many years of experience of those under less than peaceful circumstances.

 

I currently drive a DI

‘Black with three sugars’ you say. I’ll have you know that the original Irish coffee was a concoction of a bit of whiskey, a generous splash of black coffee, a dollop of whipped cream, and a smattering of genius. You’ve got the black coffee and genius covered but you appear to be missing the cream and whiskey! Are you going all straight on me Mr. Montero aside from a little sugar? I would hate to think that my ‘partner in crime’ is leaving me to my own devices and allowing me to implicate myself, by myself.

I just frosted a batch of brownies…would you care for ‘one’ or are they ‘tutu (fat)tening’ as well?...

Speaking of brownies and survival… I wonder how many Land Rover owners were actively involved in the boy scouts or girl scouts (in any country) when they were young. I mean, it stands to reason that Land Rover ownership stems from a deep-seated desire (from an early age) to be one (or two whatever it may be) with the wilderness and seek adventure. To boldly go where no man has gone before so to speak (but not in a strange Star trek kind of way - that brings back ‘bad’ childhood memories of being cooped up in the house on a Saturday when all I wanted to do was go outside and wander..). In fact, take a look here at the Boy Scouts of America website:

http://www.scouting.org/youth.aspx

The caption BEGIN THE ADVENTURE: ‘Scouting promises you the great outdoors. As a Scout, you can learn how to camp and hike without leaving a trace and how to take care of the land. You’ll study wildlife up close and learn about nature all around you. There are plenty of skills for you to master, and you can teach others what you have learned’could potentially be verbage straight out of the Rover Magazine if they were to replace the word ‘scouting’ with ‘off-roading’, wouldn’t you say?

The Scout Motto is: BE PREPARED which means you are always in a state of readiness in mind and body to do your DUTY. (this reminds me of the strapping good article I was telling you about)

• Be Prepared in Mind by having disciplined yourself to be obedient to every order, and also by having thought out beforehand any accident or situation that might occur, so that you know the right thing to do at the right moment, and are willing to do it.(I’m slightly titched.. does that matter?)
• Be Prepared in Body by making yourself strong and active and able to do the right thing at the right moment, and do it. (I’d better lay off the muffins, cupcakes, chocolate cake and brownies…)
  ‘To do the right thing at the right moment can be extreme’. I do say that this sounds like something DIRECTLY out of the Rover’s magazine. Are they copying the Boy Scouts of America? ‘Extreme off-roading and tree-straps - survival and nature?’..non, it must be a mere coincidence

But that brings me back to the subject of brownies..(a little more alliteration for you). I was an active Brownie Girl-Scout. It was one step up from the Daisy Scout. Daisy Scouts meet in a nurturing, inclusive environment. They go on trips, learn about nature and science, and explore the arts and their communities. Girl Scout Daisies can also earn learning petals and receive participation patches (I have many learning petals left over from my daisy days – I like petals). So after you graduate from the Daisy Scout level you become a Brownie Scout (that was me and probably why I have affinity for freshly baked gooey good brownies such as the one I’m presently offering you). Girl Scout Brownies work together, earn Girl Scout Brownie Awards, and explore their community. Friendship, fun, and ‘age-appropriate’ activities (not the playground type) begin at the Girl Scout meeting and move out to the community and wider world.

Here’s the Girl Scout website: https://www.girlscouts.org/who_we_are/facts/what_is_gs/daisy.asp

Yep… sounds like Land Rover ownership to me Sadly though, I never made it to the Girl Scout Junior level and I don’t remember why…‘Girl Scout Juniors earn badges and discover what girl power is all about through new activities and by learning to take charge of their own plans. They gain self-confidence as they explore the world in partnership with their troop/group leaders.’ Hm.. perhaps I should go back and try this level…

Were you involved in the Boy Scouts Mr. Montero? Did they have a chapter in South Africa?