....and then be thankful and give praise the Rover Gods that your only issues (currently) is a simple electrical issue and not a blown headgasket, or mechanically homicidal front driveshaft

 

nothing still. Everything is tight and in place.
here is the run down. Once I connect the battery everything that is electrical runs except for the starter. Once I try to ignite the engine its almost like everything "short-circuits". After that nothing turns on, nothing. Its almost like when I try starting it it sucks everything out of the battery. And this is a brand spanking new battery. oh snap

 

Imagine it is that that bad,and the wires are fried somewhere...

 

I'm still convinced you are having the the same issue that I had just recently...(I had recently put in a brand new battery as well)

I went out to my truck one morning, unlocked it with the fob, hopped in the drivers' seat, and nothing, no click, no nothing. I popped the hood, checked the connections everything looked and felt good. I let it sit for a few seconds while I scratched my head, hopped back in and got the chime when the key was in the ignition, turned the key, got a click and everything went out, just like everything "fried." Repeated this process over and over to no avail.

I did notice after letting it sit for a second I could watch the clock slowly come back on, tried starting it again, but the clock went out again, then slowly came back on.

Finally after cleaning the battery terminals to a shine, coating the connections with di-e grease, and clamping them down with a pair of pliers, it fired right up and has been incident free for the last few weeks.

 

Sounds like the connection between the wire and the connector that attaches to the battery is loose. Try pulling on the wire an twisting, it might just be the problem . Also could be your ground wire is loose at the engine or frame.

 

Are you a land rover god?
It freaking worked. Incredible. wow
I can't thank you enough!
It worked as soon as I applied some nice di-electric grease.

 

HAHA! Not even close I was just lucky enough to have dealt with the same baffling issue last month. Glad to help out (as others here have done for me) and glad it all worked out and didn't cost you a fortune trying to figure it out.

 

Now keep the truck running in your driveway for 15 minutes before you go anywhere if the truck dies your original problem is a bad alternator

 

Just to add to this discussion in case someone else has to research the issue. I had the flashing m/s lights issue and eventually got a new battery. That helped for the most part. I did not have the issue for a while then had it a couple of times. This was much better as I was having it 4 or 5 times a week before I replaced the battery. But still was annoying. I decided to clean the connectors again and while I was i inspected them very close. and saw that even though they looked smooth even shiny on the inside of the ring there was a significant amount of the inner ring that was another color. I grabbed a screw driver and lightly scraped and it started flaking off. It was light corrosion of some other material had been compacted and smoothed out so that just using the cleaner was not enough. Once I scraped it out I sanded it until smooth. I have not had another issue with the flashing lights.